Being a parent is a constant learning experience. No two days are ever the same. As parents, we often think we’re prepared for anything. But what happens if you find yourself dealing with an aggressive teenager? Figuring out how to deal with a violent child isn’t easy. The most important thing to do when your teenager hits you is to stay calm.
If you’re seeking violent teenager treatment options, working with a life coach may help address the underlying problems. There are active steps you can take as a parent when dealing with an aggressive teenager – from prioritizing communication to ensuring your safety and setting boundaries. Going a step further by working with a family life coach can help open dialogue with your teenager.
We’re sharing our advice on how to deal with a violent child and what to do when your teenager hits you.
Table of Contents:
The Warning Signs of an Aggressive Teenager
5 Types of Child-to-Parent Abuse
4 Risk Factors for Parental Abuse
How to Deal with a Violent Child
How to Calm an Aggressive Teenager
FAQs about How to Deal with a Violent Child
Summary:
- If your teenager hits you or begins to display signs of aggression, it’s important to understand that it’s not your fault. Many parents get caught up in a blame-game, causing them to delay seeking help.
- Teenage years are difficult. If your child is showing signs of aggression, it may be caused by mental health challenges, a family breakdown, bullying, or friendship problems. Identifying the root cause of your child’s aggression and what triggers their behavior to make intervention easier.
- Every teenager will react differently after an aggressive outburst. Your child might not want to talk about their feelings. Conversely, your child might want to be held and seek out physical contact. Let your child lead the way and avoid overwhelming them.
The Warning Signs of an Aggressive Teenager
Before we discuss how to deal with a violent child, it’s important to know the warning signs to look for. If you’re starting to experience a noticeable change in your relationship with your child, such as a growing sense of tension or fear, it’s a good time to examine your situation. Avoidance is another warning sign to look out for.
Teenage aggression towards a mother or parental figure can manifest in different ways. If you’re starting to feel controlled, manipulated, or belittled by your child, it’s time to seek help. While verbal abuse is often the most evident, financial exploitation can also occur. An aggressive teenager might start stealing money or damaging property.
Identifying the warning signs of an aggressive teenager early makes intervention easier. If you start to spot these signs, seek the help of a family life coach, and prioritize communication.
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5 Types of Child-to-Parent Abuse
While this article focuses on the question of ‘what to do when your teenager hits you’, it’s important to address the different types of abuse that can occur. Physical violence is the only form of child-to-parent abuse.
- Verbal abuse: when a child uses aggressive language, including threats and insults, towards a parental figure.
- Physical abuse: when a child directly harms a parent with physical aggression, including hitting or slapping.
- Financial abuse: exploitation of a parent’s finances by a child, including stealing money.
- Property damage: when a child intentionally destroys property or belongings in an act of frustration or anger.
- Emotional abuse: causing emotional distress to a parent by belittling them, controlling, or manipulating situations.
4 Risk Factors for Parental Abuse
While it may seem like your child has become an aggressive teenager overnight, this is rarely the case. When understanding how to deal with a violent child, it’s crucial to understand the situations that can create this dynamic.
- Lack of boundaries: if a child doesn’t have clear boundaries, they may start not understanding respectable limits, leading to potentially aggressive behavior.
- Family conflict: Ongoing family issues, including breakdowns in communication and unresolved conflicts, can result in teenage aggression toward parents.
- Mental health issues: if a child is struggling with mental health challenges, this may manifest itself in teenage aggression or violence.
- Violence: teenagers who are exposed to violence, including in video games and real-world scenarios, normalize this behavior. Therefore, they’re more likely to show signs of aggression.
Knowing these risk factors can help you be proactive and plan how to deal with a violent child. Working with a licensed professional, like a family life coach, can address these complexities and create a safer environment for your family.
How to Deal with a Violent Child
If your teenager hits you or begins to display signs of aggression, it’s important to understand that it’s not your fault. Many parents get caught up in a blame-game, causing them to delay seeking help. You won’t be able to address every problem at once, so choose your battles.
Remember, if you have an aggressive teenager, their behavior may be caused by issues outside your control. Once you identify these problems, you can start working together for a solution.
Here are our tips on how to deal with a violent child:
- Look After Yourself
Dealing with an aggressive teenager can be exhausting and mentally draining. It’s important to prioritize your wellbeing and safety. If your teenager has hit you or shown signs of extreme aggression, you’ll want to create a plan to keep yourself and your family safe. Having a support network around you can help you navigate these situations.
- Identify the Root Cause of Aggression
Teenage years are difficult. If your child is showing signs of aggression, it may be caused by mental health challenges, a family breakdown, bullying, or friendship problems. Identifying the root cause of your child’s aggression and what triggers their behavior to make intervention easier.
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As a rule, try to avoid using negative language and applying blame. Be consistent in how you to speak to your teenager about their behavior. For example, you’ll want to contextualize their behavior by telling them how it makes you feel.
- Your Teen is More Than Their Behavior
If your teenager hits you, it can be hard to separate their behavior from who they are. It’s important to treat their aggression as a stand-alone problem and one you can likely solve. You can continue to love your child and see them as more than their behavior.
Additionally, you don’t want to fall into the trap of only engaging with your child in response to their negative behavior. Give your teenager attention and make them feel like you’re taking a genuine interest. Additionally, you’ll want to show your appreciation for any improvements they are making in addressing their behavior problems.
- Don’t Just Avoid The Problem
One of the worst things you can do when your teenage hits you is to ignore the problem. Ignoring aggressive behavior will not make it go away. In fact, allowing the behavior to reoccur can create a violent pattern and make it harder to address the root causes.
Importantly, you’ll want to stay aware of your reactions and responses. Avoid adding flame to the fire and responding aggressively. Stay calm and remove yourself from the situation if necessary. Focus on responding, rather than reacting.
How to Calm an Aggressive Teenager
If your child has hit you or shows signs of aggressive behavior, you’ll want to calm them quickly. Of course, most teenagers don’t like to be told what to do, so it’s important to consider the language you’re using. Reach out and ask if there’s something you can do to help or if they need something. Typically, this method is more effective than shouting or telling them to stop.
In some situations, your teenager may not understand that their behavior is aggressive or unacceptable. Find a way to pause the situation and present your child with two options: a consequence if their action continues or an opportunity to tell you what’s upsetting them. Subsequently, you’re giving your time a moment to gather their thoughts and reflect on their action. Crucially, you’ll want to act on any warning you gave your child if their behavior continues.
If you or your child needs support during this time, reach out to a trained professional. A family life coach will have dealt with teenagers facing similar challenges. They can help you navigate this aggressive behavior and work through the root causes.
Every teenager will react differently after an aggressive outburst. Your child might not want to talk about their feelings. On the flip side, your child might want to be held and seek out physical contact. Let your child lead the way and avoid overwhelming them.
Advice on how to deal with a violent child:
- Always acknowledge your teenager’s feelings. Recognize the fact that they’re angry without criticizing them for these feelings. Next, you’ll want to ask how you can help. Avoid showing any signs of hostility or meeting aggression with aggression.
- Work with your child or a family life coach to identify the root of your teenager’s anger. Exam stress, family breakdown, illness, mental health challenges, and bullying can all contribute to angry outbursts. Actively listen to your child and allow them to speak freely.
- A teen life coach can also help you develop strategies to navigate the triggers causing your child’s aggression. Wait for a quiet moment and speak to your teenager to find a strategy that works for them. This method may take a little trial and error to find the right strategy. Practicing meditation and mindfulness can help regulate stress, along with understanding pressure.
FAQs about How to Deal with a Violent Child
Do you have a question about how to deal with a violent child? We’re answering the most common questions below, but you can book a free 15-minute consultation to find out how a life coach can help you and your teenager.
- What should you do when a family member verbally attacks you?
Always avoid the trap of self-blame and prioritize your needs, including safety. Try to create a calming environment and identify the root of the problem. If these issues persist, build a support network, and seek help to create strategies to tackle this aggression.
- What to do when your teenager swears at you?
If your teenager swears at you, explain to them how you’re feeling and the wider consequences of their words. Offer to give them space but be aware that they may need physical connection or a hug instead. Stay calm and avoid meeting aggression with aggression.
- What should you do when your child hits you?
If your child hits you, don’t be violent in return. Lead by example and respond, instead of reacting to their behavior. Give them space until they calm down and ask to talk about their feelings. If you’re concerned that this violence is being caused by complex challenges like mental health issues or school pressures, it’s best to seek professional help.
Learn How to Deal with a Violent Child with a Life Coach
An aggressive teenager can create a stressful home environment and put pressure on your parent-child relationship, as well as impacting other family members. Use the advice above to identify the signs and understand the triggers that may be causing your child to lash out. Book a free consultation with a teen life coach to navigate these situations and give your child the support they need.
