Celebrity couples are impossible to escape. Every detail of their lives is splashed across the front pages of newspapers, magazines, social media feeds, and even streaming networks. The public gets to see it all – the good and the bad. There’s wall-to-wall coverage of Jennifer Lopez filing for divorce from Ben Affleck after a highly publicized reunion.
As a teen life coach, it’s not uncommon for celebrity news to come up in sessions. The news about Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck hits home for many families who work with life coaches. Navigating a divorce isn’t easy – even if you’re an A-list celebrity. Both Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have previously gotten divorced and have children from previous marriages. Navigating the impact of divorce on kids is one of the main reasons why families reach out to a life coach.
Divorce affects children and teens in a different way than their parents. Many couples reach out to a family life coach when they’re going through the divorce process to help support their children. I’m looking at the lessons that parents can learn from this celebrity divorce and how divorce affects children of any age.
Table of Contents:
Impact of Divorce on Kids
How Divorce Affects Kids
How to Support Children During Divorce
Summary:
- When parents get divorced, children can be impacted in different ways. Some may understand, while others can struggle with the transition.
- No two children have the same reaction to divorce. Their emotional reaction and the consequences can vary depending on their age, circumstances, and relationship with either parent. There are signs parents should look out for during and after the divorce process. Recognizing these situations can make it easier to support your child and put the right systems in place.
- The first step to helping your child navigate the impact of a divorce is to understand their feelings. Their needs may also change and understanding these and adapting to them can help your child during this transition.
The Impact of Divorce on Kids
Divorce is a difficult time for everyone in your family. Everyone has to navigate a new ‘normal’, from parents learning to engage in new ways to children who often find themselves living between two homes. When parents get divorced, children can be impacted in different ways. Some may understand, while others can struggle with the transition. Divorce is becoming more of a social norm than ever before.
While the suggestion that “half of marriages end in divorce” is a myth, research shows that 43% of marriages end in separation. Second and third marriages – like that of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck – have a higher divorce rate of 60% and 73% respectively.
Divorce brings with it change – positive and negative. Children can feel all sorts of emotions, often all at once when their parents get divorced. Many can be angry, anxious, sad, or confused. Almost three-quarters of divorces happen within the first 13 years of marriage, often when any children are still pre-teens or younger.
Children are resilient and the right support system can help them successfully transition to this new chapter in life. Divorce affects children in different ways and context is important to consider. While you’ll find general advice in this article, it’s always best to reach out to a family life coach for specific advice tailored to your circumstances and family needs.
How Divorce Affects Children
No two children have the same reaction to divorce. Their emotional reaction and the consequences can vary depending on their age, circumstances, and relationship with either parent. There are signs parents should look out for during and after the divorce process. Recognizing these situations can make it easier to support your child and put the right systems in place.
Poor academic performance
Understanding and navigating divorce often leaves children confused and distracted, manifesting itself in poor academic performance. As children become more distracted, they struggle to focus and engage in class. They often find themselves falling behind their peers. Teaching staff may raise concerns or be able to provide additional support, such as extending deadlines, offering extra classes, or supplying detailed class notes.
Read more: 6 Ways Parents Can Support Teens at School
Feelings of guilt
Children often find themselves caught in the middle during a divorce. For many, they come to feel some level of guilt and whether they were responsible for their parents’ divorce. Many children will look for reasons or explanations as to why the divorce happened, including whether they did something wrong. Guilt among children of divorce can lead to stress, depression, increased pressure, and other mental health challenges.
Having open dialogue with children is important and can help remove this feeling of guilt. Context matters, and while children don’t need to know every detail of your divorce, helping them understand what’s happened makes it easier to contextualize their involvement.
Loss of interest in socializing
Children can often become socially withdrawn when their parents are getting divorced. They may fall out of their regular routine and show a lack of interest in doing things like afterschool clubs, sports activities, or hanging out with friends. Children of divorced parents can struggle to relate with others, leading them to isolate themselves at home.
Insecurity is one of the emotions we often overlook during divorce. Children can feel a sense of abandonment or struggle to understand their new family dynamic, especially if none of their friends have gone through a family separation.
Emotionally sensitive
Children can find themselves becoming more emotionally sensitive during a divorce. The impact of divorce on kids often manifests itself in different emotions – anger, confusion, anxiety, and a feeling of loss. It’s not unusual for children to feel overwhelmed and more emotionally sensitive. They may take a joke the wrong way or feel on edge. Children of divorce need an emotional outlet, whether it’s someone to talk to or a hobby like sports or journaling.
Difficulty adapting to change
Divorce is one of the biggest changes anyone will go through in life – whether they’re a parent or a child. Children can struggle to adapt to changes in their everyday routine, from their parents living apart to new living situations.
If a child starts a new school, these changes can be even harder to adapt to. A loss of routine can exasperate other emotions and feelings that children experience during divorce.
Increase in irritability and anger
When we feel overwhelmed, it’s natural to become irritable. The impact of divorce on children often leaves them feeling irritable or angry. Every child processes divorce in their own ways and often can snap at their parents, friends, and even themselves. While this anger is natural, it can sometimes linger if issues are left unresolved. Working with a family life coach can help address these feelings and the underlying emotions to avoid any lingering emotional effects.
How to Support Children During Divorce
Now that we’ve covered the impact of divorce on kids, how can you support them during this time? Here are a few simple things to remember:
- Be honest when talking to them about your divorce, while considering their age and what’s appropriate for them to know.
- Remind them that both their parents love them, and the divorce does not change that.
- Avoid blaming your former spouse and don’t share negative feelings relating to them with your child.
- Maintain your child’s daily routine as much as possible, from their mealtimes to after-school activities and bedtime.
- Tell your child they can talk to you about their feelings and that it’s okay to feel sad or angry.
- More listening, less talking. Ask questions to help your child open up but avoid talking over them.
Talking to Children During Divorce
Parents often find themselves hiding things from their children during a divorce. It’s understandable and often done with good intentions. However, this isn’t always for the best. Be open and talk to your children, while providing them with a support system to help them come to terms with the separation.
Show your child that you’re listening to them. It’s important to let them know it’s okay to be open with their feelings. If a child doesn’t want to open up, don’t push them to. Doing so can be counter-productive and make it harder for them to open up in the future.
Read more: Venting vs Complaining: Overcoming Anger and Frustration
Understanding Your Children’s Feelings
The first step to helping your child navigate the impact of a divorce is to understand their feelings. Their needs may also change and understanding these and adapting to them can help your child during this transition. Children will go through a range of emotions during a divorce, even daily. Emotions can often mask other feelings, for example, anger is often the physical presentation of fear.
Don’t Put Your Child in the Middle
Children can often find themselves stuck in the middle between their parents. An important part of co-parenting is making a commitment to avoid arguing or fighting in front of your children. Speak directly to each other instead of making your child feel like a messenger. Don’t make your child feel like they must choose one parent over the other. You should be considering the impact of divorce on your kids to help plan before telling them the news.
Strive for Successful Co-Parenting
Divorce isn’t easy on parents. Co-parenting can be difficult, especially in certain circumstances, and as each parent begins a new life post-divorce. Your focus should always be on working together to co-parent. It’s a good idea to set ground rules early on, such as visitation for kids and financial arrangements. Children thrive when they have the support and presence of both parents. Many couples find themselves feeling happier and more successful as co-parents and friends than married couples.
Understanding the Impact of Divorce on Kids
Are you looking to support your children during a divorce? A teen life coach can help them understand their feelings and navigate their new family structure. Book a free consultation to discuss how divorce can affect children and the best way to support every member of your family during and after a divorce.
